Our lives are busy. Too busy. Important people and things get lost and priorities get tangled in the busyness of life. We’re just trying to keep up most of the times. But is that enough? Will that work for a long-term marriage? Is it fulfilling enough for you and your husband?
Ladies, it’s time to step back for a minute and see if your husband comes anywhere in the top 5 of your priority list! If he doesn’t… you might want to reorganize your priorities. He should be the most important person to you on Earth. Yes above your children, family, friends and career.
When you married, you became one with your husband (Mark 10: 7-9). You never became one with your children. They are a side benefit and gift to your marriage and oneness with your husband (Psalms 127:3). Therefore, your husband is an instant part of you, you should always take care of yourself and your husband first. Self-care includes marriage care, which includes the both of you since you are now one.
You reprioritize your life when you leave your mom and dad and “cleave” to your husband. Your priorities have been changed. Your husband is your number 1 priority. Children come later, but you don’t “cleave” to them. Eventually they will leave you, and “cleave” to their spouse. You will no longer be their number 1 priority in their lives and they will make their spouses the number one priority in their own lives, if they have been able to follow a good example in their childhood home.
As you know, when children come along, we have to give up or sacrifice in other areas of our lives. We do this to be sure we are to taking care of our family. If we continued on the path we were before children, our children won’t get the care that they need.
At the same time, part of sacrificing and giving up pre-children activities, is to keep making time for your husband. Just because children are in the picture now, it’s not ok to give up your husband for them. It’s not easy when you first have children and they are young. You won’t have as much time as you did before children, but it’s still important to include your husband in your time and daily life.
If you don’t have children yet or don’t intend too, these same principles still apply to you. Your career should never come before your husband, as his should not come before you. If you notice that your number one priority is your career, it’s time to reevaluate the situation.
To keep our priorities in line with the Word;
God -> Spouse -> Children -> Everything else
you may have to give up extra time in many areas of your life. Including, hobbies, traveling, activities, sports, friends, extended family time and such. That doesn’t mean give it up all together, just lighten the amount of time, to be able to use that time to spend it with your husband. Husbands may have to give up a little golf or tv time, to be sure he is still making you number 1 in his life.
These sacrifices are for a short time, even though it can seem forever. The children will be grown before you know it and then it will be time for you and your husband again. If you spent all those years, only making your children a priority, your empty-nester marriage will suffer and likely fall apart. Prepare for the empty-nester years of marriage now. Keep a relationship going with your husband.
This doesn’t mean that you forget about your children and not take care of them. They are your responsibility and a gift. They need care. They should never take up all of your time. You have to make time for your husband. The best thing you can do for your children is put your husband first. You’ll never be perfect at making him priority all the time, but trying always to keep this in the forefront is important.
YOU ARE A TEAM
Treat your marriage like a team and you and your husband are the coaches. The children are the team players. The coaches need to be on the same page working together. They need to have a game plan and spend time organizing the team and having a strategy for the best outcome. The children follow what the coaches tell them, they are guided to be the best team possible. Without the coaches together the team falls apart. Without the coaches working together guiding the team, the team falls apart. How is your team? Working together, keeping priorities in order, will help to make the family stronger!
Once you establish your priorities, you must protect them! What do I mean protect them? Keep them forefront in your mind. Make a conscious effort and daily decisions to keep your husband first.
If you think you are spending enough time on him, but you hear him complaining about the time you spend on something else, or someone else, it’s time to look at it for the truth that is there. Are you spending time on that stuff that he mentioned instead of him?
HOW TO PRIORITIZE
- Assess: Where are you spending your time?
- Reprioritize: Reprioritize your daily routine, activities and time spent. Establish what is important after putting your Husband first then your children. Then prioritize the rest of your activities as you see fit and have time.
- Decision: Make a Decision to make him first and to keep it that way.
- Reorganize: Change your day around and the time you spend elsewhere to include him in your day first. Use a planner or journal if needed.
- Protect: Write down your priorities and review them often. Don’t let anyone tear apart your marriage. Decide each day to make him your priority. If you mess up, forgive yourself, forget about it and start over.
HOW TO MAKE HIM #1
- Quality Time: Spend quality daily time with him, even if for only 15 minutes. Focus only on him, nothing but him
- Date Night: Plan a date night weekly or bi-weekly
- Getaway: Plan a weekend or overnight stay every 6 months, even if this is at your home with your children staying somewhere else.
- Rediscover: Relearn about each other: Likes, hobbies, dreams, goals, new experiences.
- Pray: Pray for him and your marriage and for you to keep him priority or that God will show you the areas that you need to work on to keep him a priority in your life.
- Precious Gift: Cherish each other as the gift God gave to you
- His Needs: Put his needs first before yours and you children.
- Love Notes: Send him little love notes.
- Acts of Service: Do something for him.
- Touch: If he is a touchy-feely guy, give him lots of hugs, kisses and physical attention.
BENEFITS OF MAKING HIM #1
- You not only show him the respect and love he deserves, but what he desires and needs.
- It will give him the opportunity to put you as #1 in his life.
- He wants to take care of you, when he feels that you notice him and care for him, he will do almost anything for you.
- When you have an ally in this life, it makes getting through the hard times easier, and having a partner to enjoy the good times with.
- Your children will have someone to look up to on how to have a steady relationship and family life.
- Your children feel safe when you marriage is thriving.
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