Are you a good deeds person? Do you like everyone to know about the good deeds that you did? I have been there many times. Patting myself on the back, saying, “wow, that was quite impressive, how did you do that”. I’m sure you can’t relate. Or maybe…
That’s ok if you’ve been there too.
I have especially done this in my marriage. This usually happens after I read a marriage self-help book. I get all excited about how things are going to change. How I’m going to be a great wife. He’s going to finally change into what I want him to be! By the way that never works. And if you read self-help books to change him, good luck. After all they are SELF-help. Just sayin’.
Anyways, back to me. I would read one of those books and I do what it tells me to do. Then after a day or so, of my husband NOT noticing, I would ask him if he noticed my good deed! Is that crazy or what?! He didn’t even know what I’m talking about. Boy did I feel silly, but also a little mad that I wasted my time reading that book. That author clearly didn’t know what they were talking about.
After counseling with friends, friends that had successful happy marriages. Friends that already went through the struggles that I was going through. I learned when I did one of theses tasks in a book, I needed to keep my mouth shut! Yes, how crazy! I couldn’t brag on myself. This was so difficult for me. I had to wait to see if he even noticed. And if he didn’t, then I had to learn to move on. Try again. Do a do-over and hope he would notice next time.
When my husband didn’t notice my little good deeds or little changes, I learned to keep going on and keep changing based on the book’s tips and recommendations. Even though he may not of seen each and every little good deed I was doing, after a week or two he noticed a change in me. Maybe I was being nicer. Maybe I wasn’t complaining as much. Maybe I was actually respecting him. These little good deeds were finally paying off. Things were getting easier. Life was getting better. We were getting along again. Back to a happy marriage.
I know it’s hard, but if this is you, then try your hardest to keep the good deed to you. I promise it will get noticed. It even says so in the Bible. “The good deeds of some people are obvious. And the good deeds done in secret will come to light. 1 Timothy 5:25”.
This goes for any and all situations. With anyone, not just your husband. Keep the good deeds to yourself. Keep them your little secret. If you need to pat yourself on the back, go run and do it in the closet where no one else will see!!
If you are on the other end of a good deed, be sure to recognize that person, especially if it’s your husband! Let them know you noticed. That you are thankful. That you care.
Photo Credit: (c) Can Stock Photo
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