We all desire to have that perfect marriage. The fairy tale one that we grew up watching. When we are finally married we may grab ahold of the image of what we believe is to be the perfect wife, the Proverbs 31 wife. Many of us have strived to hit that mark, and failed. After the disappointment of not being able to be successful in that arena, we wonder how she did it. How was she the perfect wife? How did she become someone we look up to?
It’s easy to think one of two ways about how she became the Proverbs 31 Wife. Either she did it all on her own, or God just made her that way. (I use to think she was just too perfect and no one could ever do what she had done!)
DOING IT ALL ON HER OWN
In this version, women think it’s up to them to do everything to make anything happen. They over emphasize on the “works” part of a relationship. She thinks people are responsible for their own success and own spiritual progress. Because she relies on herself, she works hard, not knowing what God really wants her to do. She chases her tail in circles trying to do everything perfectly on her own. She uses other women as what she should be doing, how she should be acting and satisfying her husband. Does any of this sound familiar? It’s the comparison game.
Because she’s unable to be successful at this way of being a great wife, she falls into guilt and condemnation. Then she believes there is no hope to ever being a great wife, or having a happy marriage. She’s tried everything and nothing is working.
LETTING GOD TAKE CARE OF IT ALL
The other version that we often fall into the trap of is believing that if we just wait around, God will make it happen. We sit and think, God will surely make me be able to be that virtuous wife if he wants me to be. We just sit… and wait around… forever.
In this waiting game, life is left on the side burner. The house becomes a mess, the kids are out-of-control and the marriage is in ruins. All while she is just “trusting” that God will take care of it all.
This wife is all talk and no walk. She talks a good game, looks good on the outside. It seems like her life is all put together and running smoothly. Inside she is miserable and falling apart at the seams. She knows inside that her life doesn’t match the words she is saying. She can’t go on much longer like this before becoming a total mess.
She’s relying on a system that doesn’t work. All God and no me!
HOW SHOULD IT REALLY BE?
Neither one of those versions work to have a successful marriage or life or become life the Proverbs 31 Wife. You have to let go of that perfection of being a P31 Wife. The P31 Wife didn’t just wake up one day and magically become the P31 wife. It took time. It took trusting and obeying God. It took 100 percent of her and 100 percent of God
In order for you to be a healthy you, to have a healthy marriage, it will take 100 percent of you + 100 percent of God. No other way will work. Trust me and countless other wives who have tried.
The same applies in marriage, it takes 100 percent of both of you to have a great marriage. Just think if you each only gave 50 percent! Your marriage would suffer. And neither of you would be happy. God needs your 100 percent to make his 100 percent work. That’s if you want His help!
WHAT IS GOD’S PART?
First of all, you must know in this relationship with God, He will never leave you or forsake the commitment He has with you. You can trust and believe in all that He says and does. He will always be there with you and for you, through the thick and the thin.
Second, know that He accepts you no matter what. It doesn’t matter what shortcomings you have. How imperfect you are or how many mistakes you made. He’s accepts you. His acceptance does not come by what you do or how much hard work you have completed. He accepts you because of you. He loves you, mistakes and all! Because He gave His only Son as a sacrifice for you, all barriers have been removed so you have have full access to Him.
When you became a new creature in Christ, you became a new you. Part of that new you, was a nature and motivation towards goodness and the desire to be a better person. How do I know this? Because you are reading this. That means that part of you wants to improve on something to help make your marriage better. That’s good news! Those that don’t know Christ struggle so much more with trying to make their marriage work. It’s evident with the high divorce rate. You are on the right path!
You probably have seen God work in your life many times over. Helping you just at the right time. But during new circumstances it’s easy to forget what He has already done in your life. It’s easy to forget that He has been so faithful to you. We forget so easily. Think about what God has already done for you this year. Take your eyes off of your present circumstances and focus on the good that has already happened, no matter how big or small. When you remember what He has done for you, you have have a better perspective on what He will still do for you. He has not left you, He is still there, just waiting for you!
He wants to make you more like Him. Part of that Christlikeness includes the fruit of the Spirit which is where you can get the great description of the Proverbs 31 Wife; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. God is working in all the trials of your life to develop these qualities in you. It’s the trials where we grow and learn the most.
God gives you Him to cast ALL of your cares on Him. He cares for you and all of your challenges. He wants to bear them instead of you trying to do it. If you continue to keep them and try to take care of them yourself, He can’t help you. He wants to help you, but His hands are tied until you have given them up. But how do you do this? This is done by choice. You have to give him the problems. Even after you’ve given Him your problems, only minutes later you can
feel that you still have them. You need to give them to Him again and again, until you no longer bear them.
That’s God’s 100 percent!
You must be faithful, meaning you trust and obey God. When you do, you will experience God working in your life.
The only person you need to trust in is Jesus Christ. He has done so much for you already, and there are many promises in His Word to be done yet. The promises in the Word are for you for today. God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Those promises will apply to you now and forever. It is up to you to find those promises in the Word, memorize them and apply them to you and your situation.
We have to apply those promises to our marriages if we want our marriages to thrive. When you have a problem in your marriage, attach one of God’s promises to it. Part of trusting God, is believing exactly what He says. We have to claim what the Word says about our situation, not what the world says! Not how we actually see the problem, but how God sees it.
Trusting Him, is making a decisions. Either you trust His Word or you don’t. There is no middle ground. When my son was born at 24-weeks at just a little over a pound, we had the choice to trust God’s Word or not. It was a life or death trust decision. There was no middle ground. Either he would live or he would die. The doctors said he would die. We trusted and believed in God’s Word. Apply that trust to your situation! Treat it as life or death!
The second part of our part, is obeying, not just sometimes, but all the time. If God tells you something to do, then do it. Don’t be wishy-washy about it, just get it done.
If you feel that you just are not motivated enough to make your marriage work, and you are waiting for that motivation or a special feeling before you start working on your marriage, you will be waiting forever. God doesn’t give you motivation or feelings. You can get motivation, but only after you obey Him. After obeying Him, you will have the motivation you need to get things done.
Our part is Trust and Obey, that is our 100 percent
The Proverbs 31 Wife never did it all on her own, or was magically endowed to be the “perfect wife.” She put in her 100 percent with God’s 100 percent. That’s what makes her someone to look up to. There is so much we can learn from the P31 Wife!
Doing all of this is a lifelong process, not something to do now because things are not good, but something to do always. Learning anything takes repetition and discipline. We don’t always like either, but repetition and discipline is mandatory to grow in our relationship with God and in our relationship with our husband.
God wants to bless you with a great marriage. He’s already giving His 100 percent. He’s just waiting for your 100 percent. Don’t miss out on what God has in store for you. Don’t miss out on a great marriage because you are not giving your 100 percent.
Sign up for the 31 Days to a Better Marriage by Email
Subscribe to get our latest content by email.