Hey all y’all women out there (do you like the Texas talk??!!), I’m getting ready to call you out! Just as someone did to me not all that long ago.
It all began during breakout session at a women’s conference I attended in Ohio in the fall. I attended the conference with NO intention of realizing that I had a HUGE self-image problem. I went there to see how I could conquer the world (just kidding), follow my calling and help to create a better life for my family.
It’s funny how you think one thing and God has a completely different plan than what you thought.
During the breakout session, one that wasn’t about self-image, I actually can’t remember what it was about, the speaker came up to me (which was easy since I chose to sit in the front row, maybe I won’t do that again), and in front of everyone asked If I thought I was good, If I loved myself, if I thought I was awesome. That was an easy answer. NO. Who feels like that anyways. Besides, never being confident in myself, that seemed to be a conceited view of one’s self, and I wasn’t about that, being conceited, so I only thought bad about myself.
All of a sudden I was put on the spot. I started squirming. My hand started to get sweaty. My eyes started to water (and I DO NOT cry in front of ANYONE, so this was not good). All eyes were on me. All of these other women that apparently didn’t have this problem sat and watched with pity, at least that’s what I felt (no self-image so this wasn’t surprising). The speaker asked me to say that “I was awesome” in front of everyone, that “I loved myself”. Again, NO. I couldn’t no-way do this, not even to appease her and make her start talking about what she was there to teach us. Ugh.
She said she didn’t even know why she was calling me out, but there must be a reason. I guess I could agree with that. She made me promise (and made my bff that was sitting next to me promise) that I would go home and do this task, of telling myself I am awesome, in front of the mirror. This was no easy promise, but I did finally promise.
I couldn’t even do this task at my bff’s house where I was staying, with her near me. It felt too uncomfortable and wrong. I had to wait until I flew 1,000 miles back home and wait a week or 2. It took me that long to get the courage to even look at myself in the mirror and think any good thoughts about myself.
I finally did, and was it hard. Maybe one of the most difficult things I’ve had to do. I struggled with it for a while. Eventually the thoughts started to become more natural, not so foreign. I could actually look at myself and say, you ARE awesome. God created you special and unique. Look at His work. You were made for a time like this. I love me.
What a relief and burden lifted. Because, how can I teach others to love theirselves, improve their lives, have happy marriages, when I couldn’t even face the woman in the mirror?
Why Do We Have Negative Self-Images?
So how do we get like this? It’s different for everyone. In our childhood, maybe no one told us we were awesome and good. Maybe we got in trouble all the time and you always heard the negative comments that go along with that and that’s what gets ingrained in your head.
Maybe you were abused and made to feel completely unworthy of anything, ever.
It could of been all the not-so-nice girls at school that made you feel like garbage because you didn’t have what they did, so that must of meant you weren’t a good person.
Is it the media and what they define as beautiful, smart and worthy that has given you this stinkin’ thinkin’?
There are so many possibilities and ways that we have downed ourselves, made ourselves feel completely ugly, unworthy, not special, unloved and of no value to anyone.
This HAS TO STOP!
Especially if you crave to have good relationships with your spouse, children, family, and friends! If it doesn’t stop then you are putting on a facade, like I did, for many many years.
No one can fix this for you except for YOU!
You can do this! You ARE worthy, You ARE beautiful. You ARE special. You ARE unique. You were created to be different. You ARE lovely. You ARE smart. You ARE needed. You have great value.
Don’t let anyone squander these special traits in you, especially don’t let yourself be the one to do it.
You were made for a time like this. Others need you more than you know and you need to show them love by first loving yourself!
5 Steps to Love Yourself.
- Find a mirror. Look yourself in the eyes. For some this may not be a hard task, but those of us with self-image challenges, this can be really difficult to look yourself in the eyes.
- Think. If you aren’t ready to “talk” to yourself, then in your head, tell yourself, I think I’m awesome, I think I love myself”
- Speak. Next day, repeat until you can actually speak these words to yourself.
- Repeat. Do over and over again until this becomes natural and you believe yourself. It can take a while, days, weeks or even months.
- Keep Going. Keep up with it until overtime you look in the mirror you can think good about yourself, and say at any moment, “Yes, I am awesome. I DO love me!”.
Good words to say to yourself.
- I am awesome! I DO love me because I am worthy of that love, even from myself. I am smart, trustworthy, patient and caring.
- I am good! I believe in myself. I respect myself and like who I am. I have made the decision to love me and that’s what I’m doing.
- This is me, I’m going to be happy with myself. I accept that I am talented, creative and trustworthy. I was made especially unique and different. I am like no other and this is good. I love me and know that I have greatness within me to share with others.
I am special
I am smart
I am creative
I am trustworthy
My body is beautiful
I have great hair
Get Great Marriage & Family Resources
Subscribe to get the latest in Marriage & Family news and resources