Do you build up or destroy your man? If you don’t want to answer that question, then just read on. Either way, I don’t think we can build him up enough. Becoming his Greatest Fan requires that we are not only his best cheerleader, but we are in the stands, rooting him on like we are part of his team. We are there to encourage him to win and tell him how great he is doing and that we admire him.
Building up our men is essential to their well-being and ours. Psychiatrists say a man’s most basics needs, apart from sex, are approval and admiration. That may seem silly to some women. Especially living in a society that generally doesn’t take men seriously and is trying on a daily basis to turn them into women.
Yes, men are supposed to be masculine, strong and the protector. Just because of that, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have feelings and that he doesn’t have needs.
Anyone you treat less than kind, will be hurt. They may not always show it on the outside, but on the inside, their self-esteem and self-image takes a big hit. I’m sure you wouldn’t treat your friends or co-workers with disdain and discontent. Why treat your husband like that?
When men don’t feel that they are worthy of your love or kindness, they are not going to step-up to the plate and be the leader that you want him to be in your home. Right now, if your husband is not acting as the leader in the home, you need to step back and look as to why. It could be simply because you are not a fan of him at all!
If he doesn’t feel that you believe in him, trust him, think he is good enough, he’s not going to even try to lead your family. Why should he? No one is backing him up. It’s kinda like the saying, “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” Which should come first, his leadership or your approval and admiration for him? One can’t happen without the other, no matter what! If you are waiting on him, he’s probably waiting on you. Then nothing will ever happen and misery will continue. Someone has to start. Why not you?
So Why Aren’t You His Greatest Fan?
1. Your not good at giving compliments.
Some people feel awkward at receiving and giving compliments. Their Love Language is definitely NOT Words of Affirmation. For many different reasons, it’s just plain-ol-hard to give a compliment, even to the one they love most. However, just because it feels strange and abnormal or fake to give a compliment to your husband, is no reason to not. Of course compliments should be sincere, never made up or a lie.
2. You’re too busy with your own life to notice him.
Do you find yourself not having time for your husband, much less the ability to think about his qualities? Still, not a good excuse. Just as you need love, he needs your approval! You must find the time. You must make him a priority in your life, the most important priority next to God.
3. You don’t think he has any qualities to admire.
What is there to admire you think. You may be so focused on what he doesn’t do for you that you vision is too clouded to notice what he does do. To notice what is good about him.
4. You don’t accept him for who he is.
You may never have accepted him fully for who he is or who he was created to be. Until you can accept everything about him and that it’s not your job to change him, you won’t be able to admire him and find the great qualities that are there already.
5. You are angry at him all the time.
You’re too mad at the world, at him, at your situation to even bother to notice anything good about him. When you take your eyes off of yourself and off of the bad situation and focus on him and come together with him you will be able to fight the true enemy that is trying to destroy your marriage.
6. You are comparing your husband to her husband.
You are playing the comparison game and therefore your husband has no chance of you actually noticing his special and unique qualities. You are likely too busy wondering why your husband isn’t doing this or that, like her husband. Since that’s all you are thinking of, how you can change him, you can’t see his true self.
Note to yourself: Your husband NEEDS your approval and admiration.
There is no getting around it. If you want a happy life and want to be a happy wife, then you will have to do these three things.
- Accept him fully, holding nothing back.
- Admire his manly qualities.
- Submit to his authority. (Yikes, did I use the word submit?!!) When you understand the word submit in your marriage, you won’t think of it as a dirty-word! When you submit to him, you are submitting to God. Read more below on submission in marriage and what it really means.
ASK YOU HUSBAND THESE QUESTIONS
In order to admire him you must get to know him! Ask your husband these questions and discover who he is.
- What is the happiest thing that has ever happened to you?
- What has been your hardest experience?
- What are your dreams and goals.
- What are you afraid of?
- What do you appreciate most about me?
- What would you like to see me do different, whether in actions or attitude?
- Who do you most admire?
Asking these questions will help you to get to know your husband better and on a deeper level. Another great way to get to know him, is to participate with him in one of his hobbies. It doesn’t mean you have to like it or that it’s your favorite thing to do. It shows that you have an interest in him. Also, it allows you some quality time on his terms.
When you take an interest in his interests, you open up opportunities, to spend time with him, which in turn gives him opportunities to open up to you. When you show interest in him, you have a chance to learn much about him that you didn’t know and will find new things to admire.
For instance, my husband loves to play disc golf. Not so much me. It’s not my favorite sport and I’m really terrible at it. It actually used to irritate me when he would go play. I didn’t see the value in it, it didn’t produce anything. (I’m a bit of a worker-bee, everything needs to produce results). Just because I didn’t see value in it, didn’t mean there wasn’t any. As a matter of fact, there was a lot. When I stopped letting his hobby irritate me and I realized that he deserved to have his own hobbies, he worked hard he needed to play hard, I started to admire his commitment he had to becoming better at the sport. I opened up and let his interest become a part of what we do together. I don’t go play all the time, but most of the time I will. Why? Because I love being with him. I get to see him doing something he loves and is good at. I get to admire the patience and calculations involved when he plays. He encourages me, gives me tips, got me my own discs, and carries everything. I’m thankful that I got over myself and learned to spend the quality time with him. I treasure it so much (plus I get to take walks out in nature, which I love!).
How To Develop Admiration for Your Husband
1. Get to Know Him.
Use the questions above to learn about your husband. Ask him questions you don’t know the answer to (or things that you may have forgotten about him or his likes and dislikes).
Can your husband talk to you without being put down or ridiculed? Can he come to you and not get a negative response? Do you minimize him when he is telling you something, shooting down his masculine qualities?
Do you lose interest when he is talking about something you are not interested in? Try to learn from him, ask him questions, pay attention. Give him the same respect that you would want him to give you if you were telling him about your day.
3. Make Time to Talk
If you feel that he never talks to you, maybe talking-together time wasn’t a priority. Set time aside each day to talk, even if only for 15 minutes. If talking at home doesn’t work because there are too many distractions, then make it a priority to have a date night once a week or at least twice a month. Give yourself time to get to know each other.
4. Don’t Interrupt Him.
We women like to finish other people’s sentences, especially if we are in a hurry or don’t want to finish listening to the other person. Don’t do this. You might know what he is going to say, but you might not. Even if you do, give him the courtesy of letting him finish talking. Nothing is more frustrating and rude than to be cut off mid-sentence.
5. Forgive and Forget the Past
Maybe he hasn’t been the perfect husband up to this point. Maybe you haven’t been the perfect wife. Let it go. Forgive, forget and move on. Don’t bring the past back up. In order to move forward in your marriage you must leave the past alone. Sure you can reminisce about the good times, but leave the negative out of the picture.
6. Let Him Dream Again
Chances are, when you were dating and engaged, you talked about your future and how it would be. You both dreamed of a life of happiness, value and success. He probably had big dreams, just as you did, that was put on hold due to family and marriage responsibilities. Let him dream again. Encourage him to. Ask him what his goals are. Where he would like to be in 5 years or 10 years. Hopefully that includes you in the picture! If not, better change some things.
7. Get Specific
When you begin to admire him, be specific. Don’t just say, “I admire you,” give him details. What is it you admire? His protection, strength, looks, manliness, willingness to deal with you, taking care of the kids, security? Be specific.
8. Write it Down
Write down all the great qualities you can find to admire about him. Include: physical, emotional, intellectual, provisions, protection and spiritual. Once you have them listed out, let him know! Keep this list as a reminder and constantly add to it. There are many great qualities about him, and many new ones you will learn about through the many years to come.
The result of you being his Greatest Fan? He will want to be a better man, a better husband, and a better father when he knows you are on his side when he feels that you are his greatest fan cheering him on.
Treat him well, like no other human on Earth. Make him feel like a king!
Be His Greatest Fan!
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