Your man may not be perfect, right? But, I would have to say, we, as wives, probably are not all that perfect either. Who said we have to be perfect anyways? We should always strive to be better and do better, but perfection is in God, not us.
What we should be doing instead of trying to make our husbands perfect or us trying to be the perfect wife, is to appreciate each other.
But what is appreciation? What does it mean to appreciate him?
To appreciate your husband means…
- Set a fair and unprejudiced value on him
- Respect and admire him for his full worth
- Be grateful for him
- Be thankful for all he does for you
How to Develop Appreciation for your Man
1) The Third Eye
Learn to view him through new eyes. We often are blinded by the familiar and our own annoyances to see and appreciate his true value.
Did you know that true love has 3 eyes?
- The first eye is dim, dim to his faults.
- The second eye sees him as everyone else sees him, as the world sees him.
- The third eye sees him as no one else does or can. This eye appreciates him like no one else. If you keep focus on this eye, you will see things you never have before. You will notice many things to appreciate.
All great wives have a third eye!
2) Superficial or True Worth?
Are you one that has focuses on your man’s superficial qualities? Like… his looks, his worth in money, his job, his friends. Is your ideal man, one with great success and lots of money?Does he need to be a high achiever and knows all the “right” people? Do you expect him to be like other men, whether in looks or wealth?
Or you can focus on his true value. But you need to know what that true value means.
- Character: Honesty, dependability, kindness, love
- Intelligence: Education, knowledge, good judgement, creative skills, imagination
- What He Does For You: opens doors for you, remembers special days, doing chores, helping with children, stopping at store
Other things to appreciate:
- Around the house fix-it jobs
- Yard work
- Time he spends with children
- Things he buys for you
- His occupation
- That he has a job or is actively seeking one
- Provides a home and car
- Takes care of the finances
For many years, a man’s efforts have been so undervalued and less visible to women. I don’t know if it’s because many women are so focused on how strong women are and we don’t need a man for anything. Or if we just forgot how to appreciate the privilege we’ve been given, the gift that we have, of having a companion, a life partner, a friend.
When we focus on the superficial qualities of our men, we automatically forget that he has true worth and true value. That there is so much to appreciate about him. It saddens my heart when I see a wife that is mean and unappreciative towards her husband. He is a human, he is a person, he does have feelings, he can be fragile. Please, please, don’t break your man. He needs you.
One great failure in marriage is a ungrateful wife. Our lack of appreciation towards our husbands will push them away to those that appreciate him. If you wonder why he never wants to be home, could it be that he has an ungrateful wife? When children see mom so ungrateful to dad, they will carry on that tradition into their lives and future marriages. I don’t think this is our intentions, but if we don’t make a conscious effort to notice our shortcomings, then the path will be divorce and future generations that follow mom.
What if you can’t find a good quality to appreciate?
Maybe it’s because your heart has become so hardened or you forgot how to use that Third Eye to see his real value. Here are a few things you can do:
1. Have Faith in His Worth
Have faith that he was designed and created with kindness, intelligence and character. Don’t treat him as he is, but what his potential can be. He will become what you encourage and love him for. This doesn’t mean change him into your idea of a man and husband, but encourage his true worth, not superficial ideas.
There may have been a long period of time when no one has had faith in him, or maybe he never had anyone believe in him. He only needs for you to believe in him. For you to encourage that his current life does not do justice to his true character.
2. Visit the Past
If you can’t currently find something to appreciate him for, look into your past with him, when you were dating, engaged or first married. Why did you fall in love with him? What qualities did you see then that you admired and couldn’t live without? What things did you do together.
He may just need reminded how great things were and how you loved and appreciated him. That could be the encouragement he needs to move forward. If he’s been depressed or just down, this could be the motive for living and striving.
3. Look for Value Beneath His Faults
Is he Obnoxious? Does he pick arguments, disagree and take revenge on you or your marriage? Look beneath the surface, maybe he is a high achiever that hasn’t been appreciated for his full worth. This can be very frustrating to anyone and cause them to act out.
Is he Moody? Maybe he has been discouraged for many years. He may have high aspirations that haven’t been met or have been made fun of or not believed in. Don’t only appreciate his high goals, but his frustration for not reaching them. Encourage him to keep trying.
Is he Forgetful or Thoughtless? Does he seem to forget the things that are important to you? Maybe he doesn’t think about your feelings, or it at least seems that way? He may be absorbed in things he considers more important, like keeping his job or paying the bills. Learn what is important to him and appreciate what he considers important.
Is he Negligent at Home? Does he forget to do his house chores or yard work? Does it feel like he will never get to that honey-do list? His priorities may just be different than yours. And he may be putting all of his energy into succeeding at work, to get a raise or a promotion. Learn what his priorities are and why and how you can appreciate them.
Think of his good side, his good values. Make a list of his virtues including character, intelligence and the things he does for you. During the week, express your appreciation for these things.
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