When you married your husband you both had expectations that would be met by each other. That is part of the marriage commitment. You committed to each other, to fill each other’s needs, whether emotional or physical, and because of that commitment to each other, you promised to not stray.
That marriage commitment means that you shouldn’t have to go elsewhere to meet those needs because they should be filled by each other.Be aware of each other’s emotional needs, but not only be aware of them, fill them Click To Tweet
Women! Whether we like to admit it or not, one of a man’s most basic need and desire is sex. It’s the way he was created and there is nothing you can do about it. You can’t make it stop or turn it off. It is there. He enters into your marriage thinking and hopefully knowing that you will be the one to fulfill that need. That you are exclusive to each other and that no other will be able to fill that need. If you decide not to fill this need anymore, he may be able to manage and make the best of it. But statistics show, that usually the case is that he will go to another woman to get that need met.
Just as men have needs, women do to. When we enter the marriage commitment, we are in hopes that we have someone that will talk to us. That will converse with us and communicate with us. We enter the marriage thinking and hoping that he, our new husband, will be the one to full that need. That we won’t be tempted to find someone else to have intimate talks with, that could lead to infidelity.
Your needs are not the same as his. As we talked about in the post What Are Your Husband’s Emotional Needs? you can see that we are very different from each other. If you are trying to fill his needs based on the needs you desire, then you will fail. You must recognize and understand his needs and fill those. In return, your’s will be filled too.
You both will be happiest when you fulfill each other’s needs. The chances dramatically decrease, if not 100%, for an extramarital affair if emotional and physical needs are met within the marriage.
The failure to meet each other’s needs are not usually from unwillingness to fill those needs. It’s often from the lack of knowledge that you each have different needs. We don’t learn much about relationships in our childhood, teens or young 20’s. We only know what we need and that is probably what other’s need too.
You have now been notified that your needs ARE NOT his needs. If you want your marriage to improve and you want to prevent infidelity, you will have to educate yourself on understanding what his needs are. That means, reading some books, studying your husband, and asking God for some help.
In most cases, affairs are not something that is planned. It just happens. You or he becomes “just friends” with someone. Then that “friend” is all of a sudden filling a need that is lacking in your marriage. It may seem innocent enough at first, but emotions will take over and the satisfied feeling of being fulfilled will overtake the logical part of knowing that you shouldn’t be delving in deeply with someone else.
According to His Needs, Her Needs, an affair that is almost impossible to recover from is one that “consists of two people who become involved in an extramarital relationship that combines sexual lovemaking with feelings of deep love.” This starts by those needs being innocently met by someone else.
What Can You Do To Affair Proof Your Marriage?
1. Read the post on What Are Your Husband’s Emotional Needs?
2. Write a list of his emotional needs
3. Review them daily until you know them
4. Fill those emotional needs
5. Don’t deny him sex, affection and admiration
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